Helping Others

Things to do to help someone else in a crisis

• Recognize symptoms by educating yourself about depression, if you care enough to help someone through the darkest moments of the illness. Educating yourself lets your friend/family member who is in pain KNOW that you care.
  
• LISTEN carefully and compassionately, even if the person makes no sense. To know someone is simply LISTENING helps the storm in the brain to quiet down. You are allowing them the choice to "let it all out".
  
• Stay calm throughout, gentle and loving. Let the person know some or all of the following, honestly:
  • I love you ( if you truly mean it)
    
  • You're not alone in this, we'll get through it together
    
  • I'm not going to leave or abandon you
    
  • This will pass, we will ride it out together
    
  • When this is done I will be here (if you mean it) and so will you
    
  • I listen when you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you. I just can't imagine how hard it must be.
    
  • I can't really feel what you are feeling, but I will offer my compassion.
    
  • Hold my hand while I listen and cry.
    
  • All I know how to do is hug you and give you a shoulder to cry on.
    
  • I understand your pain (if you really do) and I empathize.
    
  • "We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see ANOTHER THROUGH."
    
  • Gently take their hands into yours, gently rub the person's back, put an arm around a shoulder. If they push away, let them know you will wait until they are ready for the love.
    
  • I'm sorry you are in such pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain will hurt me. (VERY, very important - some depressed people won't talk because they are afraid of hurting someone else's feelings)
    
  • You are in the middle of a very dark storm of depression and can't see your way out, but I will help you in any way you want.
    
  
  
• NO LIES, no withholding information. Be trustworthy. If you are not, the person will know it and never trust you again.
  
• Ask questions about how to help, what best helps, does music help, if I read to you, will that help. Remember we can't read each other's minds; asking shows you care, even if you don't understand the pain.
  
• (Dr. Ivan Goldberg) "Ask questions about suicide; do not be afraid it will trigger or worsen the thoughts. Most depressed people are relieved when someone asks about the possibility of suicide. This shows the depressed person that someone CARES AND HAS SOME APPRECIATION of the pain involved in being depressed."
  
• "You have so many extraordinary gifts--how can you expect to live an ordinary life" - from movie LITTLE WOMEN
  
• "If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it" from "Listening to Prozac"
  
• Let your friend/family member, the person you are helping, KNOW he/she deserves to feel better, because he/she doesn't think so at the heart of the storm.
  
• Above all else, be patient, kind, loving, and honest. Do not offer assistance if you do not mean it. If you committed yourself to help ride out the storm, stay committed.
  
• Don't think you're a big deal because you're helping. Remember that you may need the same kind of help some day.
  
  

Check out the article When Someone You Know Struggles with Fear Anxiety and Stress

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